life's a show

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 11:53:12 GMT

I vow not to be an ineffectual person.

I really hate speaking with authority figures but I need to, so I must. I really fear other people becoming annoyed with me. Oh well have to risk some things I suppose.

Other news, there's supposed to be a blizzard late today, the first one of the season, and I am muy excited.

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 01:24:09 GMT

I'VE FIGURED THINGS OUT! YES YES YES! I'm so excited for the future.

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 05:53:57 GMT

Saturday night went on a spontaneous trip to Atlantic City with friends on a $10 Flushing bus. We gambled at the Tropicana with our $25 slot vouchers that we got with the bus ticket and I won $37 total which is v. exciting as last time I went to a casino I lost $15. It makes me realize I love slot machines and gambling which potentially is a bad thing. I really want to go to Atlantic City again, preferably when it's not in the dead of night so I can actually go out onto the beach and not have to fear for my life because the skyline and the sea looks like a endless black abyss, and also when the food places aren't closed and there's more stuff to see.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 13:08:49 GMT

Dollhouse has been really really good this season (unfortunately it was just cancelled- probably why it got good because of all the storylines crammed in) but a lot of things about it is just utterly ridiculous. Here is my list of gripes about Dollhouse:

~Don't read if you don't want to get spoilered~

- Why doesn't anybody just shoot Alpha? I mean like, he's human and can be shot. Especially with Dollhouse on high security alert as it is. He's just basically a horror movie villain at this point, who escapes in highly unlikely cartoony fashion.

- Why is the Dollhouse security so lax? One of the dudes working there (Boyd) worked for the LAPD and Ballard worked for the frigging FBI but yet the only time they detected that Alpha had infiltrated the building was when they saw him on the security camera and then they let out a collective "Ruh-roh," Scooby-Doo style.

- The Dolls are supposedly stone cold hotties but yet aside from Eliza Dushku and Amy Acker, all of them are extremely average looking. In fact only the none Dolls like Ballard or even Boyd (who is very handsome in my opinion albeit old) are believably good looking enough to be Dolls. When Summer Glau, the Topher of another Dollhouse, who is extremely shy, was flattered when Topher thought she was a Doll, because Dolls are supposed to be really beautiful and she didn't think she was, I was like, I feel extremely bad for you Summer Glau, because you must have extremely low self esteem. Either that or our Dollhouse must import your Dolls from a modeling agency or something because Topher's Dollhouse just takes what they can get from off the streets.

- Why does Alpha love Echo so much? It must not be because of Echo's awesome personalities because Eliza Dushku is so one note in her acting ability. Also, if Alpha is allegedly so smart why is he so mystified by why Echo loves Ballard- Ballard is an extremely good looking late 20ish guy with chiseled features and you are a nerdy looking 40something middle aged man (no offense to Alan Tudyk). Instead of downloading his personality into your brain why didn't you just get plastic surgery to look like him? Also it would've made getting through security undetected easier, although with the Dollhouse peeps being as stupid as they are it wouldn't have mattered.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 05:57:55 GMT

I felt like vomiting the whole day and had to miss out on swimming :(. I hope I don't have the dreaded swine flu or similar illness, I'll probably go swimming for the whole day tomorrow.

I'm debating whether to take physics next semester. I need a science as required course but I need to pull my grades up in order to transfer to College of Arts and Sciences. I haven't taken physics since freshman year of high school and as I recall I failed nearly every test although ended up getting an 85 and 88. I still prefer it to chemistry and bio though and would want to take it again to see if I'm any better at it.

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:19:47 GMT

I want money!!!!!!! I want money so badly argh, it's so horrible having none and having to put off what you want to do.

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 06:34:40 GMT

I hate LinkedIn I'm trying to email a contact but I have to pay for an upgraded account to do so? At 49.95 a month no less, and with limits on the number of messages, unless I want to be $499 per mont? What is the point of LinkedIn but to suck money out of people?

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 05:25:42 GMT

It's really true that love is basically just prolonged exposure to someone (or something). I'm just thinking of all the hipsters I see every day around Union Sq or NYU and how much hatred I immediately have from just looking at them. But at the same time I might see a hipster I am familiar with or went to class with, and feel no hatred. Or if I see someone I went to high school with I will feel an immediate kinship, even if we had never spoken before that, and even though, when I was in high school I was so judgmental and hateful of everyone. For this reason I should be more social, because then I'll just love everyone and will feel no hate.

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:30:29 GMT

Does everybody have a twitter? I just recently got one and found out it's fairly fun- I have like 0 followers so it feels like you're just speaking out loud random thoughts just for no one but yourself, which is kind of interesting in a narcissistic sort of way. I always thought twitter was narcissistic, unless it's a celebrity but even so most celebrities have boring twitters. In any case, if anyone uses their twitters and wants to friend me, I'm at :

www.twitter.com/cessafamewhore

It's more convenient for when I don't want to write a long LJ entry b/c occasionally I have nothing really to say. Although I do like to ramble on when the mood strikes me.

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 21:19:58 GMT

http://nyunews.com/entertainment/2009/dec/02/serious/

My review in the Washington Square News!

Um they edited out a lot. I feel slightly offended and embarrassed by what they cut out- it was too schmaltzy after all.

Buy, but, this is my first piece and the first time I've seen my name in print in widely distributed newspaper so I'm happy!

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 17:36:36 GMT

I thought LinkedIn was free but apparently it's not. Psh I'm not paying for that.

I submitted my first movie review for the Washington Square News! Now I'm worried that it might be a bit schmaltzy. It hasn't been published online yet.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 03:13:32 GMT

I was reading the book Outliers and one of the more interesting facts from the book was a short biography of J. Oppenheimer, one of the scientists that helped created the atom bomb.

When he was in graduate school at Cambridge, he went crazy and among other things, tried to kill his tutor by leaving a poisoned apple on his desk.

(an excerpt from a interview with a biographer):

"He apparently laced an apple with a toxic substance and left it on the desk of his Cambridge University tutor, P.M.S. Blackett, who was a distinguished scientist who later won a Nobel prize. Oppenheimer tried to retrieve the apple, but in some way what he had done was discovered and he was almost expelled."

Yes he was almost expelled for this act of attempted murder. Luckily he wasn't and he would later go on to achieve massive success. Isn't that crazy? I feel like this is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Just the thought of a man being diabolical enough to inject chemicals into a apple and then methodically leaving it on someone else's desk. That's like a scene from a horror movie to me.

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:31:35 GMT

Right now I'm just in a very good mood where I feel like I can definitely accomplish all of my goals. Sometimes I feel really depressed and horrible but sometimes I'm just in a very optimistic mood.

Today I looked up various literary agents and I've drafted a query letter. I really want to publish a novel and while I have yet to finish my first draft and have a long ways to go, I know that it'll only be a matter of time before I finish it.

I think, besides being a writer, I want to work for the UN or the State Department in the future. I love politics and foreign languages and international affairs, and I feel like it would be something very fulfilling for me. I probably will need to go to grad school eventually in International Affairs for this to happen. I also want to work in China for a year or two.

I really need to make a list of all the things I want to do. I think the most miserable thing in the world is settling to become a person you don't really want to be. I think you need to feel passionate about the things that you do in life, because without it, what can you feel but a hollow just good enough. I truly do think anything is possible- all you need is confidence and foresight.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 05:27:05 GMT

I typed up the parts of the novel I'm writing that I can actually use, and the official word count is 3,361. Including stuff I've written but haven't typed up or trashed it's probably like 6,000 words. I'm aiming for 90,000 so this is a small drop but still good.

This month is Nanowrimo (National Book Writing Month) so it'll be interesting to see how much I have at the end of the month. I'm averaging 1,500 words per day these past couple of days and I decided not to throw anything out at the moment, just keep everything until my first rewrite, so... by my calculation I should be able to finish it in 58 days? That doesn't include more plotting that I have to do. Right now maybe 2/5 of the novel still needs fleshing out.

I know nobody really reads LJ at the moment but I'm just writing this out for my own benefit too. I'm excited, but a lot of work ahead.

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 01:29:02 GMT

Well, on the one hand got rejected for a job at the Princeton Review today, and also am sick with a slight cold.

But on the bright side, Meryl Streep is hosting a premiere at NYU tomorrow and I got dibs to write an article on it for the Washington Square News! Very excited about this, it'll be my first published article. Last year I got an assignment, did intensive interviews etc, but then missed my deadline and then my editor never contacted me back about it so I ended up never giving it in. Hopefully this one will work out better (well I know they'll definitely contact me back about the article at least).

Mad Men final episode on Sunday! This season went by too fast. I'm kind of annoyed at all the plotlines left underdeveloped and I don't think they'll be able to resolve everything in a single episode.

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 21:36:00 GMT

Ugh God, I get extremely self conscious whenever I find random pieces of writing from school assignments in high school and I read it and I realize what horrible writing it is. I randomly found a piece of my Boston College supplementary application today where I had to write a short essay and it was so terrible. My biggest fear of the past couple of years was, submitting horrible writing, which led me on a horrible path of missed deadlines, etc. I guess that's what majoring in writing will do for you. Honestly, that was/is my worst fear. Submitting horrible writing and being judged on it.

In other news, I've been forsaking contact with the outside world and am writing a novel. I've got 2/5 of it mapped out intricately, 3/5 somewhat outlined and I have hopes of finishing a rough draft in the coming months, hopefully by next year. I've always wanted to write a novel but I actually am trying to do so which is exciting.

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 10:35:36 GMT

I guess I should post about random slice-of-life events. I've been rereading entries I wrote from 2005 and I realize I remember very little of what life was like 4 years ago. Just rereading little things like what stories we were reading in class or what comments my teachers used write on my assignments would sound completely new foreign to me. But it's only been 4 years. Incidentally, this also brought back a mini-nostalgia trip where I looked through my giant files of notes from sophomore year of high school that I meticulously saved and labeled in manila envelopes, and gosh, my poor vocabulary and sentence construction skills are extremely cringe- worthy.

Anyway, today Sylvie and I randomly went to Manhattan because we had nothing else to do and Sylvie wanted to get something from the Shake Shack. We got out the train near Columbus Circle and we walked by some groups camped outside Trump Tower. On a whim I talked this girl sitting alone with black hair and heavy eyeliner who looked like a cuter version of Janis Ian from Mean Girls- and apparently they were waiting for the Jonas Brothers, who are apparently staying at the hotel the next day and will possibly arrive from 5 to 6am. She was from Philadelphia and she'd waited for them before- for up to 24 hours one time- but she'd always missed them by just a few minutes. I asked her how old she was because she looked 15-16 to me but surprisingly she was 24. We reminicsed about our shared cultural past as 20somethings, and how much we loved Britney Spears when she first came out. She said that she remembered how catty the girls in the Hanson fandom would be when she weas 13, because they'd ask her which one was her favorite, and when she'd tell them Taylor, they'd be like, "no bitch, Taylor is mine!" I could relate to this because into the Backstreet Boys back in the day.

She was really nice but after we talked some more Sylvie wanted to get food so we told her we'd be back. When we were a safe distance away we both agreed that we envied that girl but pitied her at the same time, because, well, it is the Jonas Brothers and she is 24. I could only wish that catching a glimpse of a famous person could make me as happy as it did when I was in the 6th grade. But sadly we're so jaded and disaffected, and it's been that way for years now. But meeting her gave me hope that there is still hope for me, and maybe one day when I'm 24 I too will be able to find joy in things that are meant for much younger people, like a Twilight mom, but I could still look cool doing so, like that Janis Ian girl.

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 09:32:16 GMT

So I'm going to switch my major because I really hate the Department of Dramatic Writing. Nothing thing against the subject, I still would like to write plays and screenplays some day and in my spare time. I still have 1 1/2 years of college to complete so I think I can find another major and complete it somewhat on time. Maybe I would need to take extra classes but that shouldn't be an issue.

The problem is I really have no idea what to switch to. I don't think there's really anything else at Tisch I'd rather switch to- and it would be kind of impossible anyways- so I'd have to switch schools to A&S, which offers typical arts and science majors. The areas I have interest in are History, Psychology, English, French, and International Relations but clicking on it for further information and reading up on all the requirements and prerequisites and the technical high brow descriptions makes me want to vomit. I really do want to study something that I would really like which is why I'm not considering Finance or Econ, although I do have a vague interest in both. I wish things college was more like high school where you can study a bunch of subjects and fulfill any kind of major requirements and crap like that.

I've come to realize I really do love learning and it thrills me in a way that nothing can. I always did love learning even when I hated and dreaded school itself- and that was only because I really hated how competitive and cutthroat school could be in my experience and how most people seemed to care about how to get an easy grade above everything else. I think the best academic experience of my life when I was at Harvard the summer between junior and senior year of high school and I took Beginning Fiction and I Like Ike but I Love Lucy: Women, Pop Culture and the 1950s (the best class I'd ever taken in my life easy). Part of what made it great was precisely because grades didn't matter (although I did end up getting a B+ in both- not too shabby I would say) and it was all about the experience and the discovery. I used to think college would be as fun but so far I should say not.

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 05:16:01 GMT

Ugh Epi 3 of Mad Men leaked on iTunes accidentally and no one has uploaded it online yet.

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 04:18:32 GMT

I had no idea Diane Kruger speaks with a perfect American accent now.

I'm so jealous of people who are fluent in more than 1 language. Especially Europeans who speak such perfect English without even living in an English speaking country. Of course I always forget that I also speak 2 languages. But that doesn't really count when you're Asian.

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:31:45 GMT

Bill Clinton is so awesome. If only Hillary was President and he was First Man.

Kind of disappointing that they waited this long to get those two journalists out. Wtf was Al Gore, their boss, doing the whole time?

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:01:10 GMT

I've been trying to make an effort to lose weight and get more in shape. So far it's lasted two whole days, which is a lot longer than these things usually last for me. Yesterday I went with my friend Nina to a park around my house and I jogged around the (very small) pond twice, stopping only twice to catch my breath. That's actually amazing for me because can't even run without stopping for an entire city block. Today I walked to Bay Terrace again which is 4.2 miles according to googlemaps which should've burned 420 calories. Not a lot by anyone's standards, and I gained it all back by eating a can of Campbell's soup and Raisin Bran. I remember sophomore year of high school I would eat 1000 calories or less per day and would burn 500 calories every day on my elliptical machine. I did that for months and I ended up losing about two dress sizes, which is maybe 15 pounds? Sadly I don't have that kind of discipline anymore.

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 10:16:35 GMT

It's 6 am and I'm oddly awake. Not odd because usually this is my bedtime but I went to bed at 7pm last night and woke up at 3 so odd in that I am widely awake.

Yesterday Sylvie and Sarah and I went to Roosevelt Island where we had a picnic and played three games of Clue with Lisa for the first time in years.   We also haven't been back on Roosevelt Island since chilling at Lisa's apartment last 4th of July I think. I love board games. I am extremely anticipatory of going to Boog's house in New Hampshire next month and playing intense games of Monopoly, MacDonald's family style.

I also made Manhattan Clam Chowder yesterday from Emeril Lagasse's recipe although it didn't turn out as good as in previous days because I think I added too much tomato. I might make Mulligatawny soup from the Soup Nazi's recipe but it requires like 20 ingredients which makes means it's going to be expensive.

Mad Men season 2 comes out on DVD today! I've been so excited for this release for months, and actually am not excited about going to see Half Blood Prince at midnight today at all. To be fair I feel this way about all Harry Potter movies but I always do end up having a good time and remembering the glory that is Harry Potter. I think it's because I only read most of the HP books once and I've since forgotten everything that happens in Half Blood Prince. Oh well. Anyways I am strategizing and Mad Men Season 2 Blu Ray is on sale at Target for $33 and Best Buy for $30 with comes with an exclusive tie clip.  But, the nearest Best Buy is a subway ride away which means $4.50 roundtrip and the nearest Target is a 40 minute walk/ 30 minute bike ride. Or I could wait until my mom gets off from work at 6pm and use her metrocard... but that's not gonna happen. Anyways, all of you guys are welcome to come over my house and bask in the glow of Mad Men Season 2 in glorious High Definition, but I know the only other people who would be interested in this are Boog and Sylvie.

[ETA] Okay Target opens at 8 and Best Buy at 10 so that settles it. It is 6:25 now, I have an hour to kill before then. Oh man what will I do to past the time?  I guess rewatch my Season 1 Blu Ray even though I've seen it a million times already. God I love Mad Men!

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 06:03:02 GMT

I've just been spending this summer being really lazy and doing nothing- yes, I have been doing nothing for the past semester and should be trying to figure some things out or something, but I dunno, I can't will myself into being something I'm not.

Lucky for me it seems like a ton of my friends aren't doing anything this summer- no job or classes, etc. I guess the economy has taken its toll or maybe just the negative thinking all this hype about the economy has created.

In the past couple months if not year I feel like I've been learning a lot about people and their secrets and the things they may be hiding in their lives, which I guess should make me reevaluate the way I judge people but has just made me more shocked and confused. I feel like half of the people in the world have deep dark secrets and the other half are exactly who they appear to be on the surface.

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 09:58:16 GMT

I get so sad sometimes but then I think, there's a few things in life that are good. Like friends for instance. It's rare to meet people who are true friends don't you think? People who are there for you and listen to your problems genuinely and will always be kind and understanding. I think I've been conditioned to think that those kind of people don't are too good ot be true but if you're open to it and wiling to give in return you'll always find people like that in the world.